Sweet Bitters

Moving along the circular road, with the blurring traffic waiting on the red-light to turn green, my feet once again moved to life with the pedestrian light giving me the go-for it signal…I passed through different metro stations thanks the numerous ones at CP.
This place somehow makes me dream. It makes me run wild and so thanks to the potent feelings that it brings in me…I just let my hair loose and let the wind take me where ever my feet moved. Moving through the lanes of the inner circle and the outer my eyes suddenly drifted to the tallest building I had seen.
I couldn’t quite rationalize the power and the pull which made me quite tear my eyes from the contentment of simply looking at the imperfection of the road or the blankness of the sky to this building and just when I did …… it stuck me ……..
The feel of those eyes laughing and teasing powerful enough to sensitize my skin even today, the sound of the silent humor which spoke volumes, the impression of those feet over through those lanes, the power that spunk the past and made the present motionless. My head swayed at the sweet bitters and my mouth formed a smile of recognition. It smiled the signs which had etched into those sleepless eyes of mine of months...
I looked up into the dead sky which was suddenly not so meaningful searching for my strength and shouting wordlessly for that WHY ME? The weakness in me took over and my human instinct dared to dream the IMPOSSIBLE…. Knowing too well that it will bring me hurt sooner ….. I wished for the if only’z, the very impractical if only’z…
I cursed myself for being me (for the first time), for smiling willingly into those sleepless nights, for being too ideal, it sickened me, it hurt me. And my eyes blurred for a few moments and the world swayed… but slowly the sanity returned my past lulled and the present scorched. I forced myself to leave the place….I looked up and said “BYE STATESMAN!!” and ran.
When the call came I thanked my lucky stars, a friend was waiting at a Janpath station. I dint want to go home alone. Not today I just couldn’t drag. I don’t know what we actually talked I was numb and I was glad he dint know me much and hence it was easier to keep my eyes afloat. I mechanically said good-byes and came home. I found my feet taking me to the table and my hands reaching the drawer and picking the whitish red poly-pack “THE OXFORD” I took out THE BOOK. And I let my eyes speak the language I had been controlling for more than a couple of hours ….. I just let them speak uncontrolled…..
I wish I could tell you…….
I HATE YOU!!!
Ohhh! how much
How much I HATE YOU……